Category Archives: Getting Along With People

How To Untrain A Bully

Have you ever felt like this? Like any excitement or good things or fun you felt as you started your day had been sucked away, and there you were, feeling faded and fragile. Bullies can do that to us. A single comment, look, or action can make us feel bad, but a trademark of bullies is the continued comments, looks, or actions that make us feel bad every day, leaving us wilted like a flower without sun or fresh water.

Traditionally it was thought most kids who bully do it because they’re insecure or just not very smart. When your parents were kids they were probably told to ignore bullies, or that bullying was just something kids had to deal with growing up. Do your parents tell you that? If they do, it may be because that’s what they were told.

Although some bullies may be insecure, that’s not always the case. Most people who bully want to feel in control, whether it’s because they don’t feel control in other areas of their life or they feel power over other people will help them climb the social ladder. One way bullies choose to get this feeling of control is to try to control other people’s emotions; and sometimes the person they pick is you.

If some time in your life, that person IS you, here is one thing you can do: Click here to continue reading about bullies

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Lost In the Mail

Ever sit near the phone waiting for it to ring? Or run out to the mailbox the minute the mailman comes? Probably not, today there are enough things to keep us busy, you don’t have to just “sit and wait”. But even with distractions, waiting for an invitation you’re not sure you’re going to get can seem long and lonely. What do you do if it never comes?

The birthday party “everyone” is talking about, the after-dance or after-game get together that “everyone” going to. The first thing to think about if you don’t get invited to something is whether you think it was Intentional (on purpose) or Not Intentional (not on purpose).

If you don’t think it was intentional the best thing to do may be simply to tell people “Hey, I’d like to do that too”. I knew a girl once who was disappointed no one included her in the silly pictures they were creating and sending out to each other on-line. It wasn’t until she finally mentioned she wanted to be a part of it that anyone thought she cared – everyone actually thought she didn’t like it!

If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, and you really are friends with the person, you could invite them to lunch (or to do something else) on a different day, or send them a card (there are cards for just about everything these days). There could be many reasons why you didn’t get included and it’s easy to assume the worst, but most of the time your friends are not trying to hurt your feelings.

If you think the non-invitation was intentional, then you should handle it a little differently. It’s hard even as an adult to feel you’ve outgrown a friendship, or that someone chose not to include you in their event. However, those things happen, as teenagers and as adults. Try not to spend too much time worrying about it. If you think someone is your friend, and they are making you feel bad, they may not be that good a friend after all.

In that case, one of the best things to do is to get out and do something else. Either get together with another friend, spend some time on your favorite hobby, or visit (or write a letter to) someone you haven’t seen in awhile. Keeping busy doing things you enjoy will not only take your mind off of feeling bad, but will also remind you that life goes on, and the best people to spend time with are the ones who really make you feel good about being you!

I Don’t Know What To Say

We’ve all been in situations where we don’t know what to say, and that doesn’t change as you get older! Whether it’s a friend who’s in a fight with another friend, someone at school had a death in their family, or your parent had a really bad day at work, there are times when you want to be there for someone but you just don’t know what to say.

Do you smile akwardly and walk away? Sit silently and not say anything? Say something that you later think “Ohhh, maybe I shouldn’t have said that?” No matter what you do, knowing you are there for them will make your friend or family member feel much better. But if you really want to say something to show your support, try this:

“I don’t know what it’s like to…(include what is happening), but I know what it’s like to be sad/angry/scared/worried/disappointed, and I’m sorry you’re sad/angry/scared/worried/disappointed.”

For example:

“I don’t know what it’s like to have to put your dog to sleep, but I know what it’s like to be sad, and I’m sorry you’re sad.”

Or…

“I don’t know what it’s like to have someone do that to me, but I know what it’s like to be disappointed, and I’m sorry that happened.”

One last thing to remember – some day you may be the one who needs a kind word, and your friends may not know what to say. That doesn’t mean they don’t care! If you’re going through a tough time it’s o.k. to tell your friend how your feeling, too.

Showing compassion and saying a few kind words goes a long way in building and keeping lasting friendships!